Article for our monthly AFS newsletter

It is absolutely unbelievable how fast the time can fly. There are only six months left from my 12-month-exchange and I still feel like I need at least another two years to spend in New Zealand to fully become a kiwi.

I still remember the feeling when I started the countdown in my diary; when the big red numbers screamed fifteen days left in Finland; when I updated my blog with a topic “60 hours”; when I caught the bus to school for the last time. I didn’t really think about leaving and I started packing the night before. I slept only for about four hours – not because I was nervous, but just because packing for a whole year takes a wee bit longer than what I originally expected. I still remember what it felt like to stand alone in the house, after everyone else had already gone to bed, trying to get your head around the fact you wouldn’t see these familiar walls, that same kitchen table, that same cosy couch or anything in a whole year. That night, I didn’t really know what to feel. The morning wasn’t any better and I remember hoping the flight would be cancelled: if I only could sleep just few hours longer! I was still half asleep when I hugged my little sister for goodbye and kissed the younger one’s forehead because I didn’t want to wake her up.

I had invited two of my dearest friends to stay over for the night, and the other two came to the airport in the morning for the last goodbye. None of it felt real: saying goodbyes and “I’ll see you after a year”. I hugged my friends, my mom and my dad and slowly started to make my way down to the security check. Last hugs, and in I went. I had cried a bit, but not too much. I was actually pretty proud of myself for being so strong. When all the Finnish exchange-students had come through, we went to have some breakfast. It was then when I realised I had forgotten to give the bill of my contact lenses that I was supposed to give to my mom. It was still in the unopened packet in the bottom of my back bag. When I rang her to tell that it suddenly hit me: I wouldn’t see them for a whole year. Tears started falling down my cheeks and my voice broke. I said a fast bye-bye and told that I’d text her as soon as I get to New Zealand.

In that moment I considered breaking my arm, locking myself in the toilet or throwing up. Anything, so I wouldn’t have to get on that plane. Luckily talking with the other exchange students helped and realising I am not alone in this situation made me take my final steps into the plane.

From those days and feelings I have come a long way. The beginning of my year – as we would say in Finnish – was almost like “dancing on roses” (I am not quite sure how does that saying work considering roses have those nasty spikes in them) meaning that the beginning of my year was nothing but wonderful. Everything was new and exciting, people were friendly and I got along perfectly fine with my new family. Then came the downhill, the “culture shock” when I didn’t have so much energy and all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and sleep. I even started crying when I saw the cups I brought from Finland as presents for my new family.

It definitely hasn’t been an easy trip (even though I have to admit: I have the best host-family ever and they have made this so much easier for me). Those mornings when you just don’t want to get up from your bed, when every single thing reminding you about your home country makes you want to cry and when all you want is someone to speak your language so you could explain what you feel like are awful. Still – it’s all been worth it. Not once have I regretted coming here, no matter how awful I’ve felt. I’ve learnt so much about myself, others, New Zealand and my own Finnish culture. This experience is truly something unforgettable and something that has changed me and my values and probably will continue changing them for long time after this year. The confidence and understanding you gain are something that I don’t think can be learnt anywhere else.

There’s still half a year to go and I have decided those are going to be the best six months of my whole life.